Chapter 3. Endless love.

Once I heard that people who are broken are not capable to love somebody else. That means I cannot love someone before I love myself. Dont get me wrong, I love myself, most of the time, but sometimes is difficult not be sad or hurt by some events that may had hurt you. Its very difficult to forget and not feel damage in your chest all the way to your neck until it ends in tears. That is why we are humans isnt?

So here I am, in a kinda crisis, the twenties crisis. I have search the bipolar synthoms. I take a deep breath and sigh. I am very scared about my life. I suppose this is the age were people take the serious desicions that then would give you the path of your life. So yes I have dreams. I lot .... And yes Im working for them. Yes when my laziness doesnt win. Yes of course.

But then I feel that weird tingles all over my chest. The whisper that says you are not gonna achieved anything darling.And other days I am like Rihanna singing "hard".

So I supposed that they exist two types of people in the wirl of 20ths. The ones that know exactly what they want, and work for it, with the terrible possiblilities of destiny that all may go a different way and the others that are the ones who are waiting for the wave to move them our just splash them. But of course there is only one God. At least for me.

I may now choose number one, I mean Iam only one more year to complete my dream. End college and finding my dream job. At the en I know deep down that I cannot do anything else, I couldnt live other reality. Is just not an option for me. No matters how much I haved sacrified the last.. I dont know.. 20 years!! hahah. Its a journey that I have started since I was born. I wanna be happy and make my dad and mom proud of me. I am their little girl. They deserved it and I owe them everything I am and what I am not too.

At the end we all just wanna be happy. Although we all have different modus operandi to be happy. We all have different reasons to livee or to simple smile. :)

The moment when you understand and accept you are broken. It is really liberating. The smile of your own heart to recognize you have been harmed that yes,  you are in peaces and to analize what when wrong... and then you cry once more. But at least you know why you feel like that an you change...You now know u are not crazy just a little bit broken. But that of course can be fix.

First you asked God for help. He already open your eyes to see what event or people actions that may had harmed you. Then you have to search for help. Yes a shrink a very good shrink that make you realize by your own that although you have suffered .You have to let go the pain.... (by some miracle) and start living how you want. Even though it means to leave your own conutry, leave all what you know until now and move away... Remember humans gotta be selfish sometimes its necesay to escape from sufferment. 

Because then, how are you gonna be happy?